Comments for This Kid's Weblog http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com Just another WordPress.com weblog Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:59:00 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Georgie. by thilmes http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/georgie/#comment-137 thilmes Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:59:00 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=70#comment-137 you are so good at dialogue chris... you are so good at dialogue chris…

]]> Comment on the difference is all the difference by thilmes http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/06/15/the-difference-is-all-the-difference/#comment-136 thilmes Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:57:33 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=73#comment-136 this is about me right? midwestern girl to boot... this is about me right? midwestern girl to boot…

]]> Comment on All the king’s horses, and all the king’s men… by thilmes http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/04/24/all-the-kings-horses-and-all-the-kings-men/#comment-132 thilmes Sun, 01 Jun 2008 15:03:39 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=59#comment-132 canderso, where is the humty thing you read during the last class??? that was awesome. canderso,

where is the humty thing you read during the last class??? that was awesome.

]]> Comment on Henry (or “My Short Story”) by moatman http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/henry-or-my-short-story/#comment-86 moatman Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:52:35 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=48#comment-86 you might try writing the final section, which is from the wife's perspective though written in third person, in a slightly different tone. The writing style itself becomes wrapped up in Henry's thought process throughout, so that when He Dies, we need a distinct shift in tone to make it clear that he is gone. Playing up this contrast could emphasize the face that much of the writing beforehand is meandering in and out of being inextricable from Henry's attitudes and perceptions. you might try writing the final section, which is from the wife’s perspective though written in third person, in a slightly different tone. The writing style itself becomes wrapped up in Henry’s thought process throughout, so that when He Dies, we need a distinct shift in tone to make it clear that he is gone. Playing up this contrast could emphasize the face that much of the writing beforehand is meandering in and out of being inextricable from Henry’s attitudes and perceptions.

]]> Comment on Class Things. by minnowlefrak http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/04/02/humpty-dumpty-redux/#comment-75 minnowlefrak Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:56:37 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/04/02/humpty-dumpty-redux/#comment-75 Sean- I love your Humpty Dumpty story (so much that I just laughed out loud in the library)! The voices in his head are so funny, and I like how you created such an original backstory completely out of your own head. The first sentence is really compelling, too. One small thing-- The description of him "running his hands over his great bulbous belly" is very fitting, but the one of him falling on his "haunches" is very hard for me to picture (isn't he an egg?). Great stuff :) Sean- I love your Humpty Dumpty story (so much that I just laughed out loud in the library)! The voices in his head are so funny, and I like how you created such an original backstory completely out of your own head. The first sentence is really compelling, too.

One small thing– The description of him “running his hands over his great bulbous belly” is very fitting, but the one of him falling on his “haunches” is very hard for me to picture (isn’t he an egg?).

Great stuff :)

]]> Comment on 100 words (pitcher) by Final. « This Kid’s Weblog http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/10/100-words-pitcher/#comment-65 Final. « This Kid’s Weblog Tue, 25 Mar 2008 05:47:29 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/10/100-words-pitcher/#comment-65 [...] the 100 word drabbles I felt freer. Like our five-ten minute exercises in class, I’m constantly forced to [...] [...] the 100 word drabbles I felt freer. Like our five-ten minute exercises in class, I’m constantly forced to [...]

]]> Comment on This took everything out of me. by Final. « This Kid’s Weblog http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/this-took-everything-out-of-me/#comment-53 Final. « This Kid’s Weblog Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:10:22 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-53 [...] to get over what I’ve done for so long. I found it important to tell you in the first draft of my long piece too many details of my father’s early past. I talked about him standing up to a [...] [...] to get over what I’ve done for so long. I found it important to tell you in the first draft of my long piece too many details of my father’s early past. I talked about him standing up to a [...]

]]> Comment on My offering. by Final. « This Kid’s Weblog http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/my-offering/#comment-52 Final. « This Kid’s Weblog Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:53:43 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/my-offering/#comment-52 [...] with this unit because I think I fall into my typical essay tendencies. I want to include parentheticals to too many things, and the qualification is important because these are details of my past. And [...] [...] with this unit because I think I fall into my typical essay tendencies. I want to include parentheticals to too many things, and the qualification is important because these are details of my past. And [...]

]]> Comment on This took everything out of me. by sunwick http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/this-took-everything-out-of-me/#comment-51 sunwick Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:29:52 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-51 you shmuck, I was going to write paper before I started reading this. It is great, and it added so much more to the previous dabble into the subject. you shmuck, I was going to write paper before I started reading this. It is great, and it added so much more to the previous dabble into the subject.

]]> Comment on This took everything out of me. by kflagg http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/this-took-everything-out-of-me/#comment-50 kflagg Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:34:47 +0000 http://finepewterportraits.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-50 Hey Chris — I'll chime in with the Tamara/Eleanor chorus; reading this was emotionally exhausting, and I can't imagine what writing it must have been like. Something you might want to come back to is negotiating the territory between the very specific details of re-told stories and the larger generalizations, both of which are present in sort of chunks throughout the essay. For me as a reader, I appreciate the specificity of stories more, but realize the value of explicit explanation. What if, instead of paragraphs like this one — "In my life, I have alienated friends; I have destroyed the greatest relationships with people I could ever hope to cultivate; I have broken promises and derided values; I have been pithy and small." — you interwove this sort of explanation with something a little more tangible? I think the material's there already. The balance between "showing and telling" is something that always gets talked about a lot in writing classes, but I think this is a piece where it deserves to get mentioned again. You show us a lot — some of the telling could be excised. There are some small places we might want to talk about transitions, too. There's so much I want to say here, and an essay of this length and emotional density deserves a lot of time and feedback — but I could go on for hours. I'm looking forward to talking about this in workshop tonight. Katie Hey Chris — I’ll chime in with the Tamara/Eleanor chorus; reading this was emotionally exhausting, and I can’t imagine what writing it must have been like.

Something you might want to come back to is negotiating the territory between the very specific details of re-told stories and the larger generalizations, both of which are present in sort of chunks throughout the essay. For me as a reader, I appreciate the specificity of stories more, but realize the value of explicit explanation. What if, instead of paragraphs like this one — “In my life, I have alienated friends; I have destroyed the greatest relationships with people I could ever hope to cultivate; I have broken promises and derided values; I have been pithy and small.” — you interwove this sort of explanation with something a little more tangible? I think the material’s there already. The balance between “showing and telling” is something that always gets talked about a lot in writing classes, but I think this is a piece where it deserves to get mentioned again. You show us a lot — some of the telling could be excised.

There are some small places we might want to talk about transitions, too. There’s so much I want to say here, and an essay of this length and emotional density deserves a lot of time and feedback — but I could go on for hours. I’m looking forward to talking about this in workshop tonight.

Katie

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